Nahrin Chowdhury built a stress management company from a bed she could not get out of.
She had been in a bad car accident. She was laid up, unable to work, unable to move much, and by her own description falling into a hole. That was the moment she decided to build something. She had always wanted to start a company. She had always wanted to help people, especially women. The worst stretch turned out to be the opening.
That story tells you most of what you need to know about how she thinks. Nahrin founded Unstressified in 2023 on a stubborn premise: stress management should be practical, evidence-informed, and durable enough to hold up when life gets loud. She ran it alongside a career in education for a while, and in 2024 she walked away from twenty years in that field to do it full time, with her finances and her livelihood on the line. She is a published author writing for children and adults on faith, resilience, identity, and growth. New York raised, five years in Los Angeles, and Dubai is home now.
And in a conversation that ran nearly an hour, she never once led with the books.
She did not start out healthy
Asked whether she had always been healthy, Nahrin answered in one word. No.
She grew up as the daughter of Bangladeshi immigrants, in a culture where exercise was not really part of daily life and food was the center of everything — the feeding of each other, the full table, the rice and the curries she still loves. Those were the habits she learned first, and they were the habits she kept until her thirties.
Then she decided she wanted a different life. Strong. Healthy. Powerful. And she changed everything.
She is careful about how she tells this. She is not describing a transformation that happened on schedule, and she is not describing something that finished. She is describing a decision she made at an age when a lot of people quietly conclude the window has closed.
Happiness is work too
“I just don’t think that life is like one big fairy tale.”
Nahrin had a happy childhood, surrounded by people who loved her, and then went through several genuinely hard stretches as an adult. What she took from those years is that happiness runs on the same rules as fitness. It responds to effort. It fades without it.
The question she asks herself in a hard season is direct: am I going to be complacent in this, or am I going to try to do better?
The stress that helps, and the stress that hollows
Stress is normal. Some of it is genuinely useful — it pushes, it sharpens, it moves you. Some of it is even the exciting kind.
This distinction has a long history in the research. In the 1930s, working with lab rats at McGill, Hans Selye noticed that very different stressors produced the same pattern of physical change. In 1950 he named it general adaptation syndrome, and gave it three stages: alarm, resistance, exhaustion.
The useful part for the rest of us is what separates those stages. The alarm response is the one that sharpens you — more energy, tighter focus — and it does no harm when the stress is short. The damage shows up further along, when the situation never resolves, the body stays on alert, and it quietly adapts to running hot. Selye’s model has been challenged plenty in the decades since, and it remains one of the most widely understood accounts of how stress moves through a body. Healthline has a clear walkthrough of the three stages if you want the longer version.
Which is roughly where Nahrin and Michael land from experience. The difference between the two kinds of stress has less to do with the event than with whether there is any recovery on the other side of it.
Nahrin lived the eroding version for years without naming it. As a New Yorker, being overworked, under-rested, and permanently busy simply read as normal. It was not until she moved to California that she encountered the idea that taking care of yourself is not woo-woo, and that it tends to make you more productive rather than less. You can still be ambitious. You can still do excellent work. That realization is what she eventually built a company around.
Michael brought a version of this from the other direction. For someone managing severe ADHD, a certain amount of pressure is what gets the day started at all. Rent, family, a roof — those are stressors that produce action.
Nahrin’s response: that is good stress. You need it.
Reframing is not pretending
The centerpiece of the conversation is what Nahrin does with the hard things that already happened.
She went through a difficult divorce and, before it, an abusive marriage. For a long time the story she told herself was the obvious one: I can’t believe this happened to me. And she describes a deliberate practice of turning the story over and looking at what came after it — she grew, she got healthy, she got happy, she became able to help other people, she became courageous enough to move across the world.
Her framing is worth carrying nearly whole: you can take a negative thing and dwell on it, or you can ask how it is going to push you to be better. And if that reframe works on something already survived, it works on the thing you are inside of right now. Maybe this hard time is also pushing you somewhere good you cannot see yet.
She is explicit that this takes practice, and that it is not the same as denial. The event stays true. The meaning is the part that moves.
Faith is central to how she does it. Her religion gives her language for it — everything happens for the good, God has her back, this life is temporary — and a set of values to measure herself against. Be a good person. Help other people. Am I living up to that?
When affirmations do not land
Michael raised a problem with affirmations that a lot of people quietly have: if you say a thing you do not believe, it does not work. Saying “I am successful” to a mirror while the rent is due tends to produce more friction, not less.
His workaround is a ladder. When belief is out of reach, drop to a faith statement — I have faith this is going to happen. When even that is too far, drop again, to a question — How do I pay my rent? How do I provide for my family? The question does something the affirmation cannot. It sends you looking.
Nahrin’s answer came from her own frame and landed in the same place. Faith helped her precisely because it did not require her to claim she was awesome at something she was struggling with. She could be realistic about the difficulty and still hold a belief that carried her through it. Honesty first. Then the thing that holds.
The comfort cage
Nahrin was born and raised in New York, lived in Manhattan, loved it completely, and never expected to leave. When a job offer came from Los Angeles she said no. Repeatedly. She had never been there. She knew no one.
She went anyway, and calls it the best five years of her life. Her assessment of the alternative is unsparing: she would have lived the same life forever.
Dubai was harder. A different country is not a different state — different laws, different rules, a whole different set of assumptions about how things work. She felt out of place. She was stressed. She thought seriously about going home. She stayed, and she describes it now as a genuinely new lifestyle, new kinds of people, and new parts of herself she had not met yet.
People tell her she is too old for this. That you do this in your twenties, not your forties.
Her answer: “I’m not dead right now.”
Michael pushed the same idea from the resource side. In our twenties we have the appetite and none of the means. Later we have the means, which makes the risk more affordable, not less appropriate. He turned fifty this year and spent it accordingly — a solo trip through Mumbai, Chennai, and Kolkata, staying in local lodging and riding public transit in every city, and later Dubai and Norway. Figuring out unfamiliar signage and unfamiliar navigation was the stressful part. It was also the part that produced growth.
So why do so few people go? Michael’s read, from a very Western family and a lot of conversations about it, is that the thing keeping people home is rarely danger. It is the fear of the unknown, and the fear of missing out — the quiet assumption that somewhere else will be missing something they need. His answer is that across most of the world you might have to work around a few cultural differences, and everything is there.
He learned that one the hard way. Years ago in Hyderabad he had a medical emergency, walked into an emergency room, followed the lines, took a number like an American DMV, and was seen. Quickly, and for about twelve US dollars including medication. The stress came from not knowing how the system worked, not from the system.
Nahrin extends the point to children, from twenty years inside classrooms. When we hand kids the answers, the solutions, and the comforts, we remove the friction they need in order to think. They have to get things wrong. Sometimes you have to fail in order to improve.
The consequence she names for adults is the one that stuck with us. Stay comfortable and you stay in the same place — and the same place, indefinitely, is its own kind of stress.
Collecting evidence
If there is one transferable tool in this episode, it is this one.
Nahrin does not believe self-confidence comes from declaring yourself confident. She believes it comes from collecting evidence. Every adult listening has already walked into an unknown and come out the other side — leaving home, starting college, the first job, a new relationship. All risk. All unfamiliar. All survived.
So when the next unknown arrives and the fear shows up on schedule, the work is not to argue with the fear. The work is to go get the file. I did not think I would get through that, and I did. I at least tried it. It might not be easy. You have made it before.
This is not an offhand phrase. It is the core of how she coaches, and she has written elsewhere that through self-discovery, planning, and reflection anyone can collect their own evidence and strengthen their core beliefs — with the self-talk line she recommends being some version of I’ve done it before, and I can do it again.
It also maps closely onto Albert Bandura’s work on self-efficacy — his term for the belief that you can handle what a situation is asking of you. Bandura identified four ways that belief gets built: doing a hard thing and succeeding at it, watching people like you succeed, hearing from someone you trust that you are capable, and whatever your body and mood happen to be doing at the time. He was clear that the first one carries the most weight. Encouragement helps, and it is not in the same league as having actually done the thing. PositivePsychology.com has a readable breakdown of all four, with a link to Bandura’s own chapter for anyone who wants the primary source.
There is a second piece of that research worth setting beside what Nahrin said about classrooms. A child shielded from every disappointment never gets the raw material to build the belief from — the struggle is where it comes from. She got there from twenty years of teaching. Bandura got there from the lab. Same answer.
Her own evidence collection got concrete after her divorce. She made a bucket list, which she still carries and still uses, and started working through it. One item was boxing — not a normal choice in her circles, and not something any of her friends did. It made her stronger and healthier, and it convinced her she could try anything.
She got punched in the stomach once. She calls it one of the best things she has ever experienced.
Calming the storm
For the acute moments, Nahrin keeps the list short and physical, and she is upfront that she does not always want to do it either. After a hard day the pull toward a nap is real, and she knows the nap will not help.
What she reaches for instead: move your body, go for a walk, drink some water, call someone.
Those bring the symptoms down. The longer game is the mindset piece — the talking yourself down, the reframing, the practice she wishes people started young and kept up. Both layers matter, and she is clear that the second one is what changes how the next stressful season lands.
Michael offered the analogy that ties it together. Muscle grows through load. The burn at the gym is the mechanism, not the side effect. Life appears to run on similar terms.
The fear tax
The last stretch of the conversation turned to what fear quietly costs.
Michael has paid it. A self-described late bloomer who struggled to come out socially, he made a deliberate choice to walk into the things that scared him — public speaking, and salsa dancing. Salsa was the bigger return. Put a socially awkward person in a room with rules, and he has to approach strangers, ask for a dance, absorb the occasional no, learn rhythm, read body language, and hold presence for the length of a three-minute song. Those are life skills wearing a costume.
His summary of the years before that is blunt. Fear kept him from being happy. Fear kept him from trying things.
Nahrin sees the modern version constantly. People hiding behind screens and dating apps until an in-person conversation feels genuinely difficult. Groups sitting together, each on a phone. Students who used to treat ten minutes of talking as a reward and now would rather text the person sitting next to them — and a class whose best day of the year was the day they were allowed iPads at lunch, where nobody spoke to anyone.
Her diagnosis goes underneath the fear of rejection to something sharper: the fear of standing out. Everyone trying to fit, dressed the same, doing what everyone else is doing, and losing the uniqueness in the process.
Both of them landed on the same small remedy. Say hello. Ask the question. You might learn something.
Key takeaways
- Reframing a hard experience does not require pretending it was good. The event stays true. The meaning is the part that can move.
- Confidence is built by collecting evidence — every unknown you have already walked into and come out of counts.
- Some stress is genuinely useful. The goal is not zero stress, it is recovery, and the ability to tell the two kinds apart.
- Short-term calming is physical: move, walk, drink water, connect with someone. Long-term change is mindset work, and it takes practice.
- Comfort has a cost. Staying in the same place indefinitely is its own kind of stress.
- Fear is expensive. It quietly charges you the friendships, the trips, and the growth you never went and got.
What she wants you to take with you
Given the floor to close, Nahrin went straight at it.
You can achieve the thing you want. We look at other people’s accomplishments — amplified by social media — and quietly file ourselves out of the running. Happier, healthier, a new career, a stronger body, a real relationship: she puts all of it in reach, and she does not pretend it will be easy.
“We don’t give ourselves enough credit for what we’re able to achieve.”
Get out of the box. It might not be easy. You could do it.
Find Nahrin
Instagram is the best place to reach her: @unstressified. She is also on LinkedIn and TikTok.
Want to be a guest on Eager to Be Healthy, or have us on your show? Tell us about it here.
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Full transcript
Lightly edited for readability. Timestamps are from the raw recording and may drift slightly from the published cut.
Nahrin Chowdhury (00:00): Hi, I’m Nahrin Chowdhury, and I’m eager to be healthy.
Michael Scott Eger (00:24): On this show we have Nahrin Chowdhury. She spent more than two decades in education. Then she decided teaching in the classroom wasn’t the whole assignment, so she built Unstressified — an organization with a stubborn premise. Stress management shouldn’t be fluff. It shouldn’t be a lecture. Hers is neither. It’s evidence-based. It’s practical. It holds up when life gets loud.
Michael Scott Eger (00:57): She’s a published author, writing for kids and adults alike on faith, resilience, identity, and growth. New York raised, and Dubai’s home now. And through every one of those chapters she’s carried the same conviction — not one of them was wasted. Welcome, Nahrin.
Nahrin Chowdhury (01:23): Thank you.
Michael Scott Eger (01:24): So we’ll just get right to business. Have you always been healthy?
Nahrin Chowdhury (01:31): No, I haven’t. You know, I’m a daughter of immigrants. My parents are from Bangladesh, and it’s a culture where exercise is not really a thing. And the food is such a big part of our culture — feeding each other, and eating, and if someone comes over, even when I go home —
Michael Scott Eger (01:52): I’m just gonna stop you. You know who I’m married to, right?
Nahrin Chowdhury (02:02): So you know that there’s a table full of food, and it’s not healthy. There’s a lot of rice, a lot of curries, a lot of delicious things that I love, absolutely. And so eating healthy is not a thing either. I grew up that way. I didn’t really learn those habits until I got older. I was in my thirties when I decided I wanted a different life for myself. I wanted to be strong, I wanted to be healthy, I wanted to be powerful. And so I changed everything. Ever since then it’s been a part of my life, being happy and healthy.
Michael Scott Eger (02:34): Okay. So have you always been happy?
Nahrin Chowdhury (02:40): I just don’t think that life is like one big fairy tale. I think a lot of people go through a lot of hardships. I grew up in a very loving family, a lot of people around me, a lot of people who cared. So I was a happy kid — and then I went through a lot as an adult. I went through a very tough period of time, a few times, and I realized that happiness is something you have to work on too. Life is gonna throw you things, and I had to actually make an effort to say, am I gonna be complacent in this? Am I just gonna sit around in this, or am I gonna try to do better? And I’ve always tried to do that, which is why I moved to Dubai. Why not? This will bring me some happiness, and this will be exciting for me. So yes, I went through a lot of difficulties, and from that I learned how to be happy and how to make myself happy.
Michael Scott Eger (03:38): Okay. So you deal with — I’m gonna try to avoid the S word as much as possible, because I heard some of the interviews, and that’s the only word I heard. But let’s face it, stress is a factor in life, right? Now, do you agree that there is some stress that’s good?
Nahrin Chowdhury (03:59): Yes.
Michael Scott Eger (04:04): And some stress is bad.
Nahrin Chowdhury (04:07): Yeah. Stress is so normal, and a lot of it’s good, because it can push you to be better. And sometimes it’s exciting stress — that’s good stress. Being someone who’s a New Yorker, stress is just a part of our life. Everyone’s so busy, working a lot, unhappy too. It’s too much sometimes. We’re not balancing it out. So for me, that was really normal — to be stressed out, to be overdoing it, not getting any rest.
Nahrin Chowdhury (04:36): And it wasn’t until I moved to California that I realized there are ways to take care of yourself that aren’t so woo-woo as people think, and they actually make you more productive. So you can still be ambitious. You can still do great work in your job. That’s why I wanted to share these strategies with other people, because they really improved my life.
Nahrin Chowdhury (05:04): And actually it came up during a rough time, because I had gotten into a really bad car accident. I was laid up in bed for a long time. I was very stressed out, I was very upset, and I couldn’t do anything. When I was falling into a hole, I thought, I have to do something to get better. I’ve always wanted to start a company. I’ve always wanted to help people, especially women. And I thought this was a great time. So yes, that was a stressful period, and it pushed me to do something great, and to help other people with it.
Michael Scott Eger (05:31): So when you lived in New York, how far were you from Manhattan?
Nahrin Chowdhury (05:36): I was living in Manhattan. I was living in the East Village.
Michael Scott Eger (05:45): Okay. So where were you when it happened?
Nahrin Chowdhury (05:48): Which — when what happened?
Michael Scott Eger (05:50): Just to be sure — we’re talking about the Twin Towers, right?
Nahrin Chowdhury (05:55): Oh, no, I thought you were talking about the accident. No, the Twin Towers — I was in New York.
Michael Scott Eger (05:58): Okay, so you were in New York. So you experienced that. I experienced it secondary, because I was driving through the bridges getting packages, back when all the shipping companies were stopped from doing air mail. So you dealt with that personally.
Nahrin Chowdhury (06:20): Yeah, I definitely did. I was in college at the time, and all of our phones went out. We didn’t know what was happening. It was a very tough time. Unforgettable for any New Yorker.
Michael Scott Eger (06:35): And the reason I mention that is, if you were in New York, or you were in the Northeast, it hit us completely different than the rest of the country. And the reason I mention it is I’ve dealt with some physical trauma myself, and I realized surviving that kind of reframes things. If I survived that, it’s a lot easier to survive anything else.
Nahrin Chowdhury (07:14): Yeah. I think that’s a lot of traumas, right?
Michael Scott Eger (07:18): And that’s the thing. People will use the trauma, use that baggage, and it’ll steer them to fear — or they can take that and realize they survived it, and move forward with the knowledge that they survived one thing, so they can survive something else.
Nahrin Chowdhury (07:47): A hundred percent agree.
Michael Scott Eger (07:49): Okay. So I’m trying very hard to avoid the S word.
Nahrin Chowdhury (07:56): That’s fine. I’ll avoid it too.
Michael Scott Eger (07:59): No, but yeah — because I don’t want a one-word podcast. Stress, whether it pushes us to do something or drives us away from something, is something we have to deal with. So what works?
Nahrin Chowdhury (08:30): I think the biggest thing is reframing it, and how we embrace it. A lot of things that happen to us, it’s a story we tell ourselves too — like, oh my God, I’m a perpetual victim, or something is always happening to me. Or we can look at it the way that you said it, where, you know what, this happened to me, now I can take on anything. Or, this is how I grew from it. Just to reframe it, I think it’s so powerful, because our mind is so powerful.
Nahrin Chowdhury (09:00): So that’s a lot of the work that I do with others, where we say, how can we look at this in a different way? How can we approach it so it’s not weighing you down, and you can actually grow from it? And it takes a lot of practice to do that. It’s really important. I think embracing my faith has helped me a lot with that too, because I can reframe it using the words of my religion and my faith, and knowing that everything happens for the good.
Nahrin Chowdhury (09:30): I talked about the trauma before. I went through a really tough divorce, and I was in an abusive marriage, and that was very difficult for me. And now I know I can handle anything as well. For a long time I was like, oh my God, I can’t believe this happened to me. And at the same time — look at all the wonderful things that came after. I grew as a person. I got healthy. I got happy. I’m able to help other people. Now I’m so courageous. I can go anywhere. I’ve moved across the world.
Nahrin Chowdhury (09:56): So you can take a negative thing and just dwell on it, or you can take that and say, how is this going to push me to be better? How can I always reframe something and look back at that incident and say, you know what, that was actually for my best. And so maybe whatever hard time I’m going through right now, it’s also going to push me somewhere really good that I don’t know yet.
Michael Scott Eger (10:23): So you grew up in the States, right? So you know how much we value comfort. I’m following this aging expert, Neal Shah — he’s focused on elder aging — and one of his videos basically said that a willingness to expose yourself to discomfort is a longevity sign. And so we’re dealing with this uncomfortable feeling. It goes with the S word. Stress. Anyway, the point is you can avoid it or you can walk towards it. As long as you’re safe — which direction do you walk?
Nahrin Chowdhury (11:40): I mean, I’m gonna walk towards it. I’m always going to do something bold and uncomfortable.
Michael Scott Eger (11:46): So in January I went to India. I did Mumbai, Chennai, and Calcutta, and I lodged in West Bengal. I stayed in Indian lodging, and my spouse said, why would you do that? You’re American, you’re of a certain age. And I’m like, well — one, cost. Because financial stress is a thing. And if I can do a solo trip affordably, I don’t have to worry about someone else’s comfort. And another thing is I get to experience a country closer to what the locals do. Now don’t get me wrong, I would love to stay at the ITC Royal Bengal. It’s a great hotel. I’m not sure if you’ve ever stayed there. When it’s eighty bucks a night US, great. When it’s like a New York hotel, not the bargain. But the point is, we can avoid too much stress and get trapped in this shell of comfort.
Nahrin Chowdhury (13:18): No, it’s human nature. And I also think you have to push yourself — especially even with kids. I see it as an educator, and with kids around me, that now we give them all the answers, or the comforts, or the solutions. We don’t make them think as much. And they need to be uncomfortable to think, to get things wrong, to make mistakes, and to not do well sometimes. Sometimes you have to fail to improve.
Nahrin Chowdhury (13:48): So when we give all these comforts, or we take in all those comforts, we’re not growing as people. It’s hard. And the thing is, what I’ve learned is the more you push yourself and the more you are uncomfortable, the happier you can get — because it takes you to a new level where you feel accomplished, you achieve these amazing things. It’s like all these great surprises. And so you have to embrace that discomfort. If you don’t, you’re just gonna be in the same place forever.
Nahrin Chowdhury (14:16): And I think to me that’s pretty scary. To me, that sounds very stressful — I’m in the same spot doing the same thing, not experiencing anything beyond that.
Michael Scott Eger (14:28): You’re in the same cage. Same experiences, minimal growth. And if we’re going to grow as people, and be survivors, and deal with every up and down — you have to understand that sometimes it will be slightly uncomfortable, and you move forward, and you go into a new environment, and you realize you’re okay.
Nahrin Chowdhury (15:12): Yeah. I was born and raised in New York. I lived in Manhattan, the best city ever. And I did not think I would ever leave. I just loved it so much. Everything about it was me. And then I got this job offer in California, in LA. And I said no many times to that — I can’t go there, I don’t know anyone.
Michael Scott Eger (15:32): Wrong coast.
Nahrin Chowdhury (15:42): And I had never even been there. Then I decided, you know what, I like the company, and why not try something new? Let me get out of my box. I never imagined that I would do that, and I did. And I had the best five years of my life. It was really the best time ever. I experienced so many great things. I grew as a person. I would have missed out on that. I would have lived the same life forever if I had stayed in New York. And it was comfortable, because I had my pension, I had a great job, I had all these great things happening for me — my friends, my family were there.
Nahrin Chowdhury (16:12): I took myself out of that, and you know what, I found better. And then when Dubai came along, I thought, I’ll do it again, and it’ll be great. I came here, and it was very hard. It was so hard, because it’s not like moving to another state. You’re moving to a whole other country where there are different laws and different rules and different things. I was very out of place. I was very stressed out.
Nahrin Chowdhury (16:35): And I thought maybe I’m gonna have to come home, because I just don’t know how I’m gonna do this. And I’m glad I stuck it out, because it’s been great. It’s been such a wonderful experience, where I got to meet new types of people. I’m living a whole new lifestyle. I’m learning different parts of myself. So I just think you have to put yourself out there to elevate yourself, and to even attain new levels of happiness. That’s been my experience.
Michael Scott Eger (17:01): And it’s not like you’re the only expat in Dubai.
Nahrin Chowdhury (17:06): No, exactly. And I think it’s hard for adults to really get out there and make new friends. I really see the struggle among people. I like talking to people, I’m friendly, so I don’t mind putting myself out there. And I know it’s a very difficult thing for adults to meet different people or to make new friends.
Michael Scott Eger (17:26): So now, being that you grew up for a portion in Manhattan — you know there are people whose whole life is contained in four blocks.
Nahrin Chowdhury (17:41): Yeah. That was me for a long time.
Michael Scott Eger (17:46): Everything I need is in six blocks. And when you have that density, part of that’s true. And then you don’t have the life experience of going to a place where you have to struggle to understand the culture, understand the language. This year has been a freak year, because I turned fifty.
Michael Scott Eger (18:14): I did the India trip solo. Then my wife got me to cruise, so I did two more — well, if you call port days visiting different countries. Then Norway, while we were talking. And I think I’m done for the year. But I’ve gotta say, when I can, I take public transit.
Michael Scott Eger (18:44): So I took public transit in Dubai, public transit in Mumbai, public transit in Chennai, and public transit in Calcutta. That subway was the most crowded. But I will say, the newer trains are more modern than what we have in DC, New York, or Boston. And the metro in Dubai is beautiful — and it’s also above ground, so everyone can see it. Anyway, I had to deal with figuring out the signs, figuring out navigation, everything. To experience the country as a local. And that was stressful, and surviving that allowed some growth.
Nahrin Chowdhury (19:48): Yeah, that’s a lot of traveling, and a lot of adventure. And I agree — surviving a new place, especially by yourself, it’s not easy. It hasn’t been. I know from moving myself, it’s not easy to navigate somewhere brand new that you don’t know. I had done a couple of solo trips too, because I wanted to push myself.
Nahrin Chowdhury (20:16): It’s not easy, because you have no one to lean on, to talk to. You kind of have to be with yourself, or meet other people, put yourself out there, and also navigate — where am I? And I think it was the best experience also.
Michael Scott Eger (20:31): So are you a permanent resident of the UAE, or are you still on a visitor’s visa?
Nahrin Chowdhury (20:44): No, I’m a resident here. Officially a resident. Am I gonna stay here? I don’t know. Honestly, I’m open to what life takes me to. I really like having that attitude, because then I’m not stuck in a box. I’m not stuck in that cage either. I moved here last August, and in July of last year, I did not think I would be here.
Nahrin Chowdhury (21:12): And a few weeks later I’m living in Dubai. Even the day before, I hadn’t even packed yet, because I didn’t think I’d actually get out here. So who knows, in a year, where I’ll end up. And I’m open to it. I’m open to whatever other adventure. And the thing is, people tell me all the time, you’re too old for this. You do this in your twenties, not in your forties. But why not? I’m not dead right now. I still have time to explore the entire world, and I think we should.
Michael Scott Eger (21:43): The thing is, when we’re in our twenties, we don’t have the resources for the life experiences. Now we have more resources, and we can take greater risks.
Nahrin Chowdhury (21:56): Yeah. And I hope that’s something I convey to other people too — that you know what, take the risk. Why not? Your life isn’t over. You might go through a hard time, and it doesn’t define you. You can still move forward. You can still create your life any way that you want to. I started a business, I’ve moved, things like that. And then I’ll have some friends tell me, I could never do that. Well, why not? If you want to, just do it. You’re gonna live once.
Nahrin Chowdhury (22:24): And I understand some people have constraints, like a child, or this and that. And even with that, how can you work around it — where maybe not when they’re three years old, but maybe when they’re thirteen, you can take that initiative and follow your dreams. Do it.
Michael Scott Eger (22:39): So, with that example — I come from America. I have a very Western family. Me and the missus have conversations about the unwillingness of Westerners to travel. And it’s typically the fear of the unknown, and the fear of missing out.
Nahrin Chowdhury (23:13): Yes.
Michael Scott Eger (23:15): And yes, there are some parts of the world where missing out would be a disadvantage. And there are many parts of the world where you might have to deal with some cultural differences, and everything’s there.
Nahrin Chowdhury (23:32): Everything.
Michael Scott Eger (23:33): I don’t know as much about Bangladesh, but you know a little bit about India. When I was in Hyderabad many, many years ago, I had a medical emergency, and I walked right into the ER and followed the lines. It was like an American DMV — we took our number and we were seen. And it was twelve bucks US, with meds. I’m like, this is great. I got what I needed, and it was quick, and I didn’t have to deal with insurance, and I could afford it. This is awesome. But you come from America and you’re used to how things work, and you get stressed out when you don’t know.
Michael Scott Eger (24:31): So is there something you can speak to about calming yourself with the unknown?
Nahrin Chowdhury (24:42): Yeah. I think we mentioned it before — whichever person it is, any adult, they’ve been in a situation at some point in their life where it was unknown. Going to college, it’s unknown. You’re leaving your house for the first time. Your first job. A new relationship, even. It’s all unknown. It’s all a risk. And you have made it through. So I think it’s just collecting evidence of making it through those times.
Nahrin Chowdhury (25:11): I think that’s really important, just to remind yourself of all of the times that you got through it and it was fine, and you’ll get through this next one too. We talk about self-confidence a lot, and I think the only way — you can’t just say affirmations. You have to actually do things and say, you know what, I did not think I would get through that, and I did get through it. Or, you know what, I at least tried it. And so you collect all this evidence that I’m able to do this.
Nahrin Chowdhury (25:38): So yes, when you’re going somewhere new and you have an unknown, it is scary, and you’ve made it before, you’re gonna make it again. It might not be easy, and you’re gonna get through it. I think it’s constantly reminding ourselves of that. None of this is easy. Life isn’t easy. Becoming a parent for the first time is not easy, and people get through it, because it gets easier.
Michael Scott Eger (26:02): Yeah. So, a word on affirmations. I want some playback here, okay? Because I’m gonna say something that you’re gonna have a reaction to. I learned, in my woo-woo phase of exploring this whole universe, that if I say an affirmation and I’m not quite there to believe it, it doesn’t work.
Michael Scott Eger (26:29): So what I went to were faith statements, toward the middle ground. If I believe it’s possible, I just don’t know how, I’ll say something like, I have faith that it’s gonna happen. And if I have even less certainty, I ask a question. Like, how do I pay my rent? How do I provide for my family? Away from I have faith that I can provide for my family — you’re asking the question, and you’re seeking the answer. And I want some feedback, because you come from a different culture than me, and you also have a different life experience than me.
Nahrin Chowdhury (27:18): I think faith does really help in many ways. At least it’s helped me a lot in gaining confidence in stress management. Because as you said, I can’t just say, okay, I’m awesome at this, if I don’t really believe it. I think what faith has helped me with is — you know what, I know I’m not awesome. I’m gonna be realistic. I know I’m having a hard time. And I also know everything happens for a reason.
Nahrin Chowdhury (27:44): God has my back. I know that if I ask him, he’s going to answer my prayers in some way or another. And I know that this life is also temporary for me. In my religion, this isn’t forever. So I’m also asking, what are my goals in life? To be a good person, to help other people. And am I living up to those values as well? So I think faith has really changed my perspective on all of that.
Michael Scott Eger (28:16): All right. So I know we tried to start with the positive stressors. We have to acknowledge the negative ones. And then we’ll go back to the growth. So what can you teach us about calming the storm?
Nahrin Chowdhury (28:43): Every person’s different, and I think you have to figure out what works for you. For example, moving your body is really important. It’s so easy — and I do it too sometimes, because I don’t want to get up at times, when I’m really upset or stressed out. If I come home from work and I had a stressful day, I really just want to take a nap. And I know that’s not gonna be doing anything good for me. Going for a walk, I think, is really important.
Nahrin Chowdhury (29:11): Connecting with someone. Taking a cold shower helps. Drinking some water. I think all those things will help us manage it at the time, and calm ourselves down. And for the long term, really talking ourselves down from it and reframing it. I think that’s a practice we should learn at an early age and keep practicing, because that’s the only way your mindset and the way you think is really gonna impact how you take on that stress.
Nahrin Chowdhury (29:41): So a lot of the physical is just to get the symptoms down, and also the mindset piece, which is the long term — how to deal with it and how to handle a stressful time. I think we all know people who are just always stressed. Are you dealing with more than anyone else? No. Everyone goes through their own hard times. It’s how are you embracing it. You can be perpetually stressed, or you can say, this is a time period, this is a situation, and I’m gonna get through it and make an effort to do that also.
Michael Scott Eger (30:15): Or you could be like someone with severe ADHD who needs some stress just to get out of bed.
Nahrin Chowdhury (30:23): Yeah. No, that’s a good stress. You need it.
Michael Scott Eger (30:27): Because paying the rent, feeding the family, keeping a roof over your head are good stressors. I mean, to the point that you’re sure you’re gonna do it.
Nahrin Chowdhury (30:43): Yeah. And I think there are times — I was watching this video of a singer, and she had lost her job, she was broke, and she was like, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. And it pushed her, as hard as it was, and in bad stress, it pushed her to get out of the box and become an artist and live her dream. So we do need stress to make change in our life. If we’re in the same position, nothing’s gonna happen, nothing’s gonna get better, nothing’s gonna get worse. So I think we need it.
Michael Scott Eger (31:14): It’s the same thing with your muscles. If you use them, they will grow. The burn you might feel at the gym will lead to growth in your physical strength. Same thing in life. You might go through some uncomfortable times, and then you will come out just a little stronger.
Nahrin Chowdhury (31:49): I definitely agree. The year before I moved to Dubai, I didn’t work for a year. I took a year off, which was great. I got to rest, and I really needed the rest. And I also didn’t have a paycheck coming in.
Michael Scott Eger (32:03): That’s a stressor for me.
Nahrin Chowdhury (32:06): Right. And it is stressful, because my bills are still there. I still have college loans. I still have my phone. All these different things are just going out. And now I can’t do that, because where am I gonna pay that from? And I’m also someone — I’ve lived in Manhattan, I’ve lived in Los Angeles, I’ve lived in very expensive cities. So my lifestyle was expensive.
Nahrin Chowdhury (32:30): So I wasn’t used to that. However, that stress made me change the way that I am, because I would think, I was spending a little frivolously. I didn’t need to buy that. I didn’t need to go to that fancy place. I didn’t need to do all these things, or get new shoes. Now I think I’m a lot more mindful of how am I spending my money. And do I really need to do those things? Well, I lived a year without all of that.
Nahrin Chowdhury (32:56): So what can I do that’s much better for me financially? I think it was a learning experience. And that pushed me to come to Dubai. A year off where I was kind of at home — again, it had its good and it had its bad, because I didn’t know what I wanted to do next. And it was very stressful to go through that time too.
Nahrin Chowdhury (33:21): And also, that’s how I published books too. I was like, you know what, this is something I love doing. I’ve been writing books since 2010. I’ve had them on my drive. I never shared it. And now let me push myself to share it, because that’s also a means of making money for me. And so I did, and I published three books, and that became a source of income. It still continues to be that way.
Michael Scott Eger (33:44): And unlike many of the authors I’ve interviewed, you did not lead with that.
Michael Scott Eger (33:54): It’s like — I have a book. And the thing is, putting all your expertise on paper to propagate knowledge is something noble, and worth twenty to thirty to maybe forty-five bucks for that knowledge, because someone put the sweat and tears on paper to give you maybe a nugget of wisdom. And that’s beautiful. But it’s nice to hear an author not leading with I did this. Little side note — I respect it.
Nahrin Chowdhury (34:41): Honestly, that is a cause of stress for me. And it’s not the writing. I love writing. I have so many folders in my computer where it’s just book after book — I’ve written it, or at least drafts of it. And I’m too shy to share it. And that causes me stress. That causes me anxiety. I’m trying to get over it. I think that’s been very hard for me. That’s been a stressor. Even if I am an author, and I know people love to lead with it, I think that’s why I’m still getting over it.
Michael Scott Eger (35:18): I will say, now that I have an editing system, it’s a lot easier to produce. And my editing system doesn’t have a physical body — we know what we’re talking about, right? When it rejects my ideas or overly corrects them, my feelings aren’t hurt, because it’s a machine.
Michael Scott Eger (35:48): But on the flip side, it often makes my writing better, because it’s removed from my emotion. I’ve hired copywriters in the past, and I’ve found that the personalities are often too different, because I have a writing style that’s non-standard. Anyway — tangent over. Let’s give you the floor. What do you want to talk about?
Nahrin Chowdhury (36:31): I think, what are the biggest ways that people can be happier and healthier, and what stops people from going for it? Being in stress management, I think one of the top stressors is how to be healthy — people wanting to get fit, or lose weight. And then how to be happy — finding a relationship, or being happy in their job. I think all these things come up a lot, in terms of happiness, health, and also stress. Those are the biggest things that are causing a lot of people anxiety.
Michael Scott Eger (37:13): So on that, I can speak for my own personal life. You probably can’t guess this by all my smoothness and perfect diction, but I struggled to come out socially. I’m considered a late bloomer by many people. The point is, I made the choice to do stuff I was afraid of. I’m not sure if I started the public speaking first or the salsa dancing first. But I will say the salsa dancing was probably the biggest bang for the buck of anything I did.
Michael Scott Eger (38:12): You take a socially awkward guy and you put him in a room where there are rules, and he has to interact with strangers, and he has to get over his fear of asking someone to dance, and he has to learn rhythm, and he has to learn body language, and he has to learn how to command a presence for the three-minute song. And then you take that and you realize that teaches you life skills.
Michael Scott Eger (38:52): And the thing is — at least in my personal experience — fear has kept me from being happy. Fear has prevented me from trying new things. Fear has prevented many people from traveling. Fear has prevented people from trying new foods. So, right now, this is a concept that’s completely blowing my mind. There are men who are afraid of approaching women — not because they’re going to be rejected, but because it’s going to become part of social media, and they’re going to be excluded from the whole tribe.
Michael Scott Eger (39:46): And so they don’t learn the life skill of just saying, hi, nice shoes.
Nahrin Chowdhury (39:55): I see it.
Michael Scott Eger (39:57): And you’re like, no wonder everyone’s alone. They’re so afraid of taking a risk. And yes, there is some level of rejection. But what’s the payoff? The payoff is that experience. That payoff is that friendship. That payoff is that romance. That payoff is learning a new language, learning a new cuisine. Maybe meeting your wife. I will tell you that.
Nahrin Chowdhury (40:34): I know. And when it comes to approaching someone, that person, I’m sure, is nervous too.
Michael Scott Eger (40:40): Yes. They can see it. They can hear the Jaws song in their head. And they’re like, give him a chance. Because most people — as long as you’re polite, as long as you’re respectful, as long as you understand limits — you can make a human connection. The danger is when you let fear prevent you from trying.
Nahrin Chowdhury (41:14): I see it all the time. People are so reliant on the internet, or dating apps, that they hide behind a screen of who they are. So it’s really hard to have a conversation in person. Or to even — people going up to people and just talking, even if it’s just for friends. Let’s just have a conversation. Why not? I could learn something new.
Nahrin Chowdhury (41:42): I think that’s something people are really missing out on these days. And a lot of people are just so stuck to their phone, or stuck to a screen. You go anywhere now, even if you’re interacting with people, so many people are just sitting there on their phone while in company. Like, why would you do that? We’re here, we can chat with each other. You could do that at home. But that’s just how things are now.
Michael Scott Eger (42:05): Can you speak to how — I’m gonna say this very slow so you have time to calculate — can you speak to how our internal dialogue can talk us out of trying something new? Or more importantly, how our internal dialogue can highlight or enhance the stress, and enhance the fear, to the point that we stay home?
Nahrin Chowdhury (42:44): I mean, a lot of it is fear of rejection. A lot of it is fear of social media too. Everything’s out there. You go to a place now and people just sit there, whereas people used to mingle when I was younger, and they used to interact with each other. So it’s like a fear — well, what are they gonna think of me? What do they think of this? And it also comes down to, what do you think is normal? What do you think is great? Why isn’t it you?
Nahrin Chowdhury (43:14): So I think a lot of it is just trying to fit in and trying to be what everyone else is. And you can’t. Where’s that uniqueness? I think we lose a lot because of that, because we’re scared of standing out, we’re scared of doing something that not everyone else is doing. New York used to be a place where everyone had cool style, everyone was very unique. I go there now, sometimes everyone’s dressed the same. Everyone looks exactly the same.
Nahrin Chowdhury (43:43): And if you’re not, you have that fear of, well, what’s gonna happen to me now? How am I gonna feel? And no one has that strength anymore to just be themselves, or to own it, or to make a decision that’s out of the box. So I think that plays a lot into it. I have to get over it too. I’m glad that you had those opportunities to do salsa dancing, which helped you have some confidence too.
Nahrin Chowdhury (44:11): You got out of your box. You tried something new. I think for me, trying boxing was huge. I was a girl, this was not normal, and none of my friends really did it. And I tried it. I was trying all these new things after my divorce. I made a bucket list, which I still carry and I still use. And I said, I’m gonna try it. And it made me be stronger, made me be healthier, made me confident that I could try anything now. What can’t I try?
Nahrin Chowdhury (44:40): And I got punched in the stomach once, and it was the best thing I’ve ever experienced. I didn’t live in fear. I think we have to get out of that mindset, which I think is so normal now, at least for my generation. It’s so normal to just not do anything, to be home. And that’s okay — and I don’t think that’s okay. I don’t think you should be home like that when you’re young. You should be out doing things and experiencing life.
Michael Scott Eger (45:11): Yeah. But the new generation now has the internet. I’m slightly older than you. I remember growing up without it. I also remember not having a cell phone. I remember rotary phones. And I’m not that old — and I feel that life experience is missing from the new generation.
Nahrin Chowdhury (45:44): I agree. Even with the students that I’ve taught over the years — before, it would be like, okay, I’ll give you a reward of talking for five minutes at the end, or ten minutes. And they were so excited. And then later, as phones came out, they were just like, we don’t want to talk to each other. Even if I asked them, please, you have ten minutes, just talk. They’d rather send a message to the person next to them.
Nahrin Chowdhury (46:10): And this year too, I found with some of the students, they said that the best day ever was the one day they were allowed to use an iPad during lunch. And they all sat there — no one talked to each other, no one played games, they just sat on their own iPad. And I was like, this is crazy. This is the best day of your life, where you’re just stuck to a screen. And so I fear for them, because you’re not living life, you’re not experiencing it. It’s kind of sad, actually.
Michael Scott Eger (46:39): Okay. So we’re getting close — we should start thinking about wrapping it up. What would you like to say to close everything up?
Nahrin Chowdhury (46:54): I want to say, honestly, that you can achieve anything you want to. And I think we don’t see that. We see other people having accomplishments and we think, wow, I could never be that. Or, that’s so awesome, look at what they’re doing — especially with social media. And I think you can have those things. And yes, it will be difficult.
Nahrin Chowdhury (47:20): And you could do it. I think everyone understands that, even with being happy and healthy. If you want those things for yourself, that’s something you can attain. If you want to go have a new career, that’s something you can attain. If you want to get in shape, you can attain that. If you want a new relationship, you can attain that too. I just think we don’t give ourselves enough credit for what we’re able to achieve. And I think if we just got out of that box and said, you know what, I could do it — might not be easy, and I could do it — I think a lot would change for people. People could be happier.
Michael Scott Eger (47:55): All right. So if someone wanted to work with you, or follow you on social, how do they reach you?
Nahrin Chowdhury (48:08): I have the Instagram, Unstressified — that’s @unstressified. That would probably be the number one way to find me. I’m also on LinkedIn, I’m also on TikTok, and I use Unstressified on Instagram most.
Michael Scott Eger (48:39): With great gratitude —
Nahrin Chowdhury (48:50): Thank you. It’s great to talk to you.
Michael Scott Eger (48:52): We’ve been talking off and on by email for a while, and I actually feel like I know you better than some of the other guests, because we had to reschedule. But with great gratitude, I want to thank you for coming on to Eager to Be Healthy.
Nahrin Chowdhury (49:17): Thank you.
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